The Day I Accidently Walked Into Native Doctors House...

My People how far now? Longest time i know.. it feels quiet good to be back on the type writer again. But wetin i go tell una? Na School wahala weh keep me from updating you all on my day to day adventures loll..

But I am here now and a QUALIFIED NURSE!! WHEEPPEEE!! *those star jumps around the room*. 

Na God Ohh!! Na God do am for me the devil tried nonsense but God scatter his shameful head- I be God's pickin ohh, no be me u go miss with or u go miss road!

Anyway, I have moved back home now which is extremely unfortunate, mumzie don forget that i be BIGS GIRLS now no be small house girl dat she could wake up anyhow for early morning to peel yam or go and line up for council office to go and pay her council tax MCHEEEEEWW!! For her mind my 3 years away from home was a short holiday for me to go and "groove" according to her, now her precious Ekaette The House girl is back to do her slave labor. I pity for myself jarreh. E No Easy.

Today in one of my very relaxed day i decided to go to the market to go and buy some various creams for spots & blemishes ect (Exam stress had completely ruined my skin, i was in need for some serious facial detox) so i now went to my local market (i shall not reveal the market, this is jand ohh i no get money for lawsuit). As i was wondering from stall to stall  i now came across one koro. My heart was telling me "Turn backkk oohh!! You no hear word, TURN BACK!" Some may even say that na God de warn me for before hand but my friend curiosity is a devilish thing, i told myself 'Abeg biko, wetin de wori u sef, u act like u no be child of God' lool.. See this is the thing that sum of us baby christians don't understand, God no be fool... many a times we use God cover the fact that we foolish enough to enter were mama no send us go lol.. Daniel did not run to the den of lions to go and gist with Simba and Mufasa na circumstance land him there and that is WHEN the 'U no be God pickin' supernatural powers kicked in loll.. At that point i don't know wetin enter my head to go and check out this koro. As i enter this alley i now saw one shop, called....

 -Spiritual Shop-

In the front window was plenty Jesus figurines and other 'holy' knickknacks of various saints and angels ect. I  now reason am, 'mek i enter, besides i need a new bible and a few holy household novelties like a cross or something would go nice with the newly decorated kitchen'  My bruda n sista na so i reason am for my mind ohh.

When i now enter if you see the HEAVY smell of incense that blasted my nose, it was worse than being a cathedral during mass, just one kind incense knack my like this ehh.. i felt high!


"MY PICKIN RUN OHH, LEAVE THIS PLACE OOHHH!! THUS SAYS THE LORD ABEG LEAVE"

'Abeg wetin de worry me sef' i told myself  'God no de run' .. I now saw that inside all the human size 'holy' figurines where somewhat distorted. The man size statue of jesus had swollen konk on its forehead... now i think back the konk resembled a horn actually, then the 6ft statue of Virgin Mary had painted on it bloody tears and another mansize statue of another angel had this grin that resembled the Jokers grin from Dark Knight..

"HMM!! LUKE 6: 46- WHY DO YOU CALL ME 'LORD, LORD', AND NOT DO WHAT I TELL YOU?!"

As i turned i now saw one costumer walk in and she approached the shop owner who was appeared to be a black woman known as MaMa J* (again names have been changed). The conversation went sumfin like this:

Woman- Mama J, i just want to thank you for that ointment you gave me

Mama J- Which one my daughter, the 'Go away Evil' perfume that i got from Haiti last week or the 'All Month Good Luck' soap?

Woman- 'All month good luck' soap mama, since i started using it along with all the candle meditations i've got myself a new job, my baby girl stop wetting the bed, things just been going well for me

Okaaayy... Haiti!!?? The place where the national religion was once Voodoo??.. Candle Meditations?? ... 'Go Away Evil' soap??? At the very point of realization i now heard one scream from the back.. i can't explain to you what this scream sounded like... it wasn't human... more like a bird screaming.. like you know dem naija movies where Patience Ozokowor has just reached a Native doctor's house and you ALWAYS hear them wierd screams and burning sounds in the background loooll well YES OHH LIKE THAT!! 

At this point no one has to tell me to take me bag and runnnnnnnnnn!! Ehh?!? no be today Willie Willie go use me for blood money NO NO NOT MY PORTION OHH!! In my process of trying to 'discreetly' running without being noticed i nearly tripped over a turtle that seemed pretty comfortable strolling the shop floor like it was just a walk down the park. 

At this point my "U Be God's Pickin" supernatural powers kicked in and gave me superman speed to leave that God forsaken place before you could say 'Blood of Jesus' loool.

When i got out, i felt different... i can't explain bros, it was as if during the time i was in there i was dangerously alonnee!! but now that i was out i was no longer alone.. I had the spirit of God once again with me... It now dawned on me...

There are some places that are so demonic that God Himself  cannot enter the place with you since he is holy and even God would have to wait outside for you...

Light & Darkness cannot be combined!! But i thank God joh!! My stubbornness nearly landed me for trouble! but like in true Naija horror movie fashion:

To God Be The Glory

Wetin Consine Federal Government of Naija ?!

Welcomee My people! This new year God go bless you!
As you de see, i've not blogged for some time .... But sometin don happen wer i no fit hold my mout no longer. Water don break wer be say Goat mama no fit hide her labor! But today my people i must admit from the bottom of my heart that the Government of my Great Nation Naija don VEX MEE BEYOND REPAIR!!

Before i go start my vent, mek una hear this new jam by Tha Suspect.. Very Fela

GOOD LUCK JONATAN! & THE REST OF YOUR GOVERNMENT, NA GOD SEND YOU TO PUNISH NAIJA!?! Yes!!! I said it!! Oya come and beat me if you fit try!  During the elections, for the first time in my life i was very concerned in who shall become the next naija presido... Me ohh!! Me that couldn't care less before about who carry presidency for head but after analyzing the condition of Nigeria i really did pray that the next president would better the land... and with everyone saying that it was about time that a southerner took over government and that PDP were good and Jonatan was the hope naija so desperately needed, me like mumu i now followed the crowd of zombies rooting for him. But i have come to a well thought off decision, Naija Goverment, whether dey b PDP or ANPP or DPP or CPC or any of them, majority of the time if not all the time na money dey wan chop!!!

As the people of naija dey sell akamu for street in order to finish paying off their school fees, these bufalloes jus deh relax as they chop banga soup and amala in their plush homes!! Eh-Ehhnn now!! See wetin my bruda Tha Suspect highlighted to us, How can Jonatan spend   N200 MILLIIIOOONNNN NAIRA A YEAR ON GARDENING?!? NA DA GARDEN OF EDEN!! Jonateliii ohh you wan kill us troway! That N1 Billion that you spend on choppin u go vomitttt am!! My people, i no de yarn ohhh but Yawa Don Gasss!!!  Kai!! Theif!! Ole!! But this no be "Carry and Go!!" moment ohh, YOU MUST BRING AM BACK OR YOU NO GO SLEEP WELL!! When i discuss this topic with my girls and dey go tell me of there brudaz who don collect 1st class for University in Naija but no find job, or when there mumsie or papsie no de well, unless they have money to tek am go hospital for abroad, chances are they go die troway for the hands of Naija Health services, i de shoocckkk!! The matter mek me de feel cooolld as if i don see ghost! But in the same land wer ppl deh pray to God to find simple gari weh de go use chop, they are stinking rich people that sleep each night in  N12 BILLION NAIRA Mansions!!!! POLITICAL JAGUDA! 

Straight Up! I no go hold my tongue any longer! America, United Kingdom, China dey laugh at us, although dey too de chop people's money, der people still de prosper.. atleast small!! But for us, Efiko no find work no longer! Breast milk don finish for pikin to drink! In order to survive, people deh result to ogunje. 
But hey, wetin consine federal goverment! 


They just use empty promises carry commot face, ABEGGG!! Mek i hear word!! Na grammer be dat one ohh!! See GHANA!! WE, US, NAIJA PEOPLE they provide them electricity but WE OURSELVES HAVE NONE!! Nepa has become a Bloody tourist attraction!! Chai! Dey go tell us that this subsidy is going to benefit naija economy.. Mcchheeewww (kmt) .... Na subsidy you wan use cover up decades of corruption? Mchhheeewww, I no blame you, na real craze dey worry you well well !! See how naija people jus de veeexxx, u go think that the whole nation don join confra! And what de painn me pass is the $32 BILLLLIIIIOOONNN no be million oh, BILLLIIIOOONN DOLLARS that has been squandered in Nigeria.. $32 BILLION US DOLLARS UNACCOUNTED FOR!!! WER U HIDE AM PUT FEDERAL GOVERMENT?! UNDER YOUR BED? Ekpami O!! God have mercy!! No jobs for educated people in naija yet a Lady that sounds like she no pass JS1 don carry First Lady Cabinet!! 


“If you carry ya women rish dia, protect ya vote; they have expand Enugu airport to make sure you can flew ya goods to south east, atink my husband & him junior broda have do well. mind you, we women have short time to born shidren, man can born shidren till 100yrs so dont let mans to use ya shidren as militancy or as togs or army robbering, ask ya youths to enter house.” - Dame PATIENCE JONATHAN

Dame Patience aka Mrs "My Fellow Widows" gbagauned constantly. The chik fine small for face but na gbagaun full her mouth. No wonder our people deh shame to tell employees from abroad dat dey are from naija.





O boi, all this wahala de taya me. Gbagae don bust for Naija, no be small ting. If say i kno, i no go vote for GEJ. I for one, is trying to figure out how i could prove a point to this government whilst i'm in Jand... Nonetheless, I have a suggestion sha... just a smallllll suggestion.. If all naija women, in naija and abroad, UK, US, Japan, Yugoslavia, Everywhere, barb de hair, like real time barb de hair Gorimapa and then use cellotape tie their ynash wer be say all women Ikebe de appear flat like pan cake, in addition all women now strike against Rich Men, as in dem old papa Aristos and all them fools that believe that their money and expensive Agbada's na good reason to insert their sim card into young women, If us women remain firm, like kakaraka, these men go suffer ohhh!! The go see Qweehh!! They go beg goverment to end corruption cus corruption deh turn our women kolo! I deh tell u, wen women refuse to open leg for dem, and dey no see big ynash, flowing hair, men go collapse oh! Even GEJ himself go beg una... Anyway Na taught sha, consider am!

And for any corrupt politician dat is reading this blog right now, mek i warn you, you know say Khaki no bi leather, Everyday for the thief ...but my friend... ONE day for the owner.


I don talk finish!!

Divine Nuptials- My Wedding Planning Company

E DON HAPPEN OHHH!!!
I Told you beautiful people before to watch out for my new wedding planning company...
Glory be to God, i have finally started the journey of wedding consultations.
Despite previous experience in Event planning & wedding consultations i decided that it was about time that i made it into a business.

So here it is my people... i have been waiting for donkey years to finally launch this site so without further adieu i present to you beautiful people:

www.Divinenuptials.org *clap hands* loll


Ohhh im so excited belieeevvvee me! FINALLY i could do something that I LOVE

So Divine Nuptials? what do you think of the name? The Divine bit was inspired by me... named it after my first daughter (i don't have any kids as of now but when i get my first baby girl, she'll know this site was dedicated to her) i'm soppy i know, i don't need reminding loll...

The Nuptials bit was my boyfriends idea... we needed another word for wedding soo yeahhh DIVINE  NUPTIALS !!!

So what do we do:

Well we plan your wedding that's what we do mattteee!!
lol well there is a lot more to it than that sha,
We are involved in consultation, where we discuss, organize, plan and design everything from your wedding dress to invitations and of course your Big Day!

We search for the appropriate vendors, and provide you with any suppliers you may need.. be it catering, DJ, live band, alaga's ect ect

We are optimize time as well & very INEXPENSIVE so whether you be Rich Man Pickin or Simple Pako Boy who wan wed we can work what ever you have got and ensure that your wedding day is an organised, personal and breath taking experience.

Note the as for now we only work within the UK but would soon be branching international... thank God for me ohhh!!!

Anyway if you are getting married or you know someone that is getting married and you want all the wohala to be put in my head so you can relax and enjoy your Big Day  Email us on divinenuptials@hotmail.com or just check out our website... (i'm getting excited again).. *clears throat* www.divinenuptials.org

Garri & Amala

Okayy Ohh... WATCH THIS VIDEO... very intresting:
So my people,

How u guys find am..?
Interracial relationships... Multicultural Companionship... Oyingbo jam Dudu?

It's funny cause i came across the this other video recently and it got me thinking aswell, unfortunately you can only see it via face book so take a look at this link: https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1963559021783

Well after seeing it, i began to think... White man marry black babe like me... Wetin dey now?
Back in the days when i started 'dating' my mum sat me down and told me the ground rules, there were pretty simple at the time:
1) Don't spoil yourself (no sex)
2) Don't befriend a non believer
3) Don't befriend oyingbo

I remember them days when she recited those her 3 Commandments and for my mind no wohala, no long ting. But as i got abit older i was able to get a greater understanding of why she said that i should have sex or "spoil myself" like she rightfully put it lol because of the christian teaching of avoiding all forms of sexual immorality including pre marital sex... plus the risk of carrying belle and all that razz, i got it... i understood why she said that i should remain in my christian roots when dating and not date an unbeliever because of the biblical teaching that tells us not to get unequally yoked and besides the idea of my pickin being a wetin dey call am these days ehhhh "chrislum" half christian and half muslim just made nooo sense to me, the whole thing was kolo considering that despite popular beliefs Christianity and islam do not support each other, you can not serve Allah and serve God who came as flesh as Jesus Christ... buuuuttt that a topic for next time... but yeaahh.. however what if i met one fine white man like that who was a believer in Christ? Wetin my mama go say? Beside wasn't that racist!?



Sooo after years of thinking my mumzie may have been racist i finally gathered all my courage to can and quietlllyyy confront her, making sure i give her a 4meter gap just in case she tried to land slap for my face at any point of our conversation... However the revelation i got shocked me well well. What i came to realize was that it wasn't anything to do with the skin color at all but the fear of her children's children having a diluted culture. You see the Nigerian culture is one of the few things us as Nigerians have hold on too for centuries.. it is linage, our cooking, our music, our vibrant dance, our literature, our language, our lingos, our ceremonies, our rituals even down to how we bring up our children.

 There are just unwritten traditions that has passed on from generations to generations that have allowed us to survive for this long, survive and still be strong. For instance, ask any naija kid, if you go to a older  family friends house you don't just hold out your hand and greet them "hello gbenga, wassup?" ehhhhnnn the man would look at you as if you were something that commot for his nyash! Ahhnn you wan mek him deal wit you. Wolahi!! in fact by the time that man has finished with you, your ikegbe kuku become pancake nyash, i sorry for you! But u de feel me? them sort of situation u prostrate or bow and you greet dem referring to as UNCLE and greet them very formally, either in your language or in english. That is just one example... Soo my mumzie was explaining to me that to teach alllllll these small small traditions and cultures to white people would be tedious for both them and yourself, because there culture is pretty laid back, so much so that they come across like they don't have much of a culture unless it entails going to the pub or have sunday roast lol..

After her talk i came to realize that it had nothing at all to do with racism but rather fear.. fear of having a generation of nigerians that didn't really know who they were as BLACK AFRICANS. Lets keep this ting real here, truth be told even if you got a british passport or a american passport you are firstly AFRICAN before you are an american or british and God Forbid they want to send us back to our land we got to stop decieving ourselves and realize that really and truly this land we are living in whether it be america or uk or somewhere else in Europe does not belong to us! I deh lie?!?! Soooo it was the dominating fear of having her gran kids not know who they really where as Nigerians that made her make that her final commandments... but things have changed since then, cultures are more excepting, i believe personally that you can marry a white american and they would embrace your culture as a Nigerian wholeheartedly and teach it to your children and vise versa.. it all depends on how determined you are to not loose your culture, and also if your other half is willing to learn your culture as much as you want to learn his or hers....

Funny thing is that there is culture clash even among the Nigerian Race itself, Trust me. I am from Edo state a place called Auchi and 99% of my friends are Yoruba... living in london where Yoruba people run tingz unlike the US where Ibo people are the baba's it can get very isolating for a simple edo girl like me... because at uni, at home, at church they all tend to forget that i don't speak yoruba like they do so once in a while i got to remind them that i have no single idea what they are talking about so translate please lolll... if you're lucky like me to have understanding friends it could be alot easier but if not it can still be very annoying... listen, even my boyfriend although we are both from edo state he grew up there and i did not... so i am still very much diluted in my understanding of culture and how a Nigerian Girlfriend is suppose to be like but again he simple teaches me...

 In relationships there is  nothing more great than to have a man that is a great teacher and to have a woman that is a great learner... Wisdom can be passed on by teaching and willing to be taught... Whether or not you are a man or a woman it is vital that if you decide to get involve in an interracial relationship or even an intercultural relationship that BOTH of you are willing to adapt and still maintain a healthy level of the other one's culture... listen joh, i have met some mixed race chicks that rap in Yoruba yet cook Sunday roasts and Yorkshire puddings loll

Astalavista Baby!!

Now That is Beautiful

Love Omosexy xxx

Nawa for The Most Beautiful Girl In Nigeria!!

LOL!! Okay!! Okayyy!! I know i just wrote a blog 10minute ago or so but i just came across this video that send me LAUGHING OFF MY CHAIR!! This video wan mek i choke of complete laughter! See am for yourself:

LOOOL!! How u see am now?... lol.. Funny thing is that one of the requirements is that each contestant has ATLEAST  a secondary school qualification .. after hearing this one i no fit laugh tayaaa!! How many of them go visit one useless principle like that so he could forge secondary school qualification in exchange for a few "favors" ... lol.. Nawwwaaa Ohh!!! Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Ko!! Abeeeegggggg-ee!!

Me sef i soon go audition for my own beauty pageant.. we go see who be Miss Nigeria lool..

Omosexy  xxx

Na Your Weddiinngg Day!

First thing is First... Listen to this jam, if u no fit rock to this song, i sorry for you:

Sooo who wan wed one day one day??   

I know some of you de think that i too rush rush but noooo.. no be like that, me ehn when it comes to my wedding day it WILL BE the best day of my life... i can not put up with half half satisfaction!

Now wetin de mek me say this?
Well, sheh u know this month na the start of the wedding season, so far i don go 3 wedding this month and have 2 more invites for the start of July and by going to all these wedding I have learnt plenty about weddings... the preparation needed.. courtship and even about marriage. But mek i begin with what i have learnt personally about having the "perfect" wedding...


1) Organisation: If you and your man don't take the time to organize it well, una go give yourself stress related blood pressure SIMPLE! Everything.. and i meeeaannn e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g should be organised... don't confuse me oh, i no say you two should act electronically to all you de do but have a mental note of what needs to be done and when!

2) Timing: NIGERIAN TIME NA CURSE!!! I don tayyyyaaa for the numerous weddings i have gone to were the Bride is late or the food is late or the speakers are late... i taya my dear! And wetin de piss me off the most is when they now use "Nigerian time" as some sort of legitimate excuse!!  Oyingbo wedding, they say starts at 11am e go start 11am not 2pm! I don't understand ohhh... remember: Time Na Money



3) Food: Okay Okay Okay... If una get bad DJ... that can be forgiven. If una can not decorate the place well.. that can be forgiven. If una Best Man can not say a Best Man Speech without blabbering on and on and onnnn about your upcoming wedding night full of sex... even that can be forgiven... But if una can not feed everyone that takes the time to come to your wedding... THAT ONE DE WORI ME PASS!!!!

Kai! Mek i no anger some people but all i ask is for the basics: Jellof rice,   Plaintain & Chicken.. with mineral... Ahn Ahn! I rather una spend most of the money on catering than on Live Band or Favors! ...  Oya, mek i tell you my master plan... CALLING ALL NIGERIANS: Learn to appreciate the art of  INVITATION ONLY at least that way everyone has an allocated table and an allocated plate full of amazing food .. Think about it... if you're having buffet and an open invitation, plan to cater for 700 people if you only invited 500.. Believe me..

4)  Personal touch: This part na for people who have a little more to spend. Adding you and your man little personal touches into each bit could make a good wedding reception great, and the guest could learn a little bit more of you as a couple rather than just you as a person or him as an individual... it enhances the whole "now two have become one" ideology.

And Be Creative!




5) Money: Mek i tell you somethiinngg... Even poor man can marry oh!... No just be a rich man thing howeverrr it is VITAL that una save money to have the wedding that you want. If na just marriage u wan do, no quams whether or not the wedding is spectacular, fair enough, una marry.. get blessing.. do nice & simple reception and enjoy marriage life but if una want a spectacular wedding to start of a spectacular marriage i advice you to start saving from NOW... me i started saving from 12 years of age... i still don't have much saved cus my hand too de scratch me and always seems to dip into my savings but from now on i go save am because i really want the wedding that i have been dreaming about since my mama carry me for belle.

But don't get it twisted, Amazing reception areas... Amazing DJ... Amazing decor doesn't have to mean Amazing salary.. it all requires a lot of searching, hustling and negotiation... wedding planning business na like market business... if u no price market, market man go cheat you dry.

6) Services: You be surprised of who you kno that can help you. Whether that na auntie that have wedding cake business or uncle that has photographing business you be surprised who you know. HOWEVER... Mek i warn you well well! Mek una shine your eyeeess well well.. if you want to use your connections to assist your Big Day, you better KNOW for sure that they will not let you down! I have been to weddings where Aunty Funke or Aunty Bolaji (these names are completely made up btw, no one in particular) would offer to make 5 coolers of Jellof rice without charge and when that day now comes she only makes 2 and to put salt for wound she now uses Basmati rice to mek am.. everyone de complain and you sef no like am but wetin u go do?! Na free abi? so beggers can not be choosers. Personally, i prefer hiring out a professional when it came to food but if i decided to use the help of a friend or a family i would choose some one that i know for SURE is up to the task...



7) Wedding Planner: Weddings can be wohala, trust me! Planning them can be enjoyable but also very tedious. My own advice is that you get a wedding planner.. it is an upcoming business and time don pass when only oyingbo people are wedding planners and the charge for a simple consultation is enough to shop for a month worth of food...
These days you have Nigerians as wedding planners.. that specializes on not just the organisation of the reception but also co ordinates the traditional ceremony as well, with the ability to supply you and your groom with contacts of Alaga's, Nigerian caterers, Nigerian DJ's & Live Band and Venues that would allow you to bring your own caterers for instance, I recently began a course where i would soon qualify as a UK registered wedding planner, and with the few weddings that i have co-organised i know that wedding planning na tough work.. so my dear even if u don't want to have a wedding planner, i advice you to at least plan your wedding with a close friend or sister or even your mother, put that wohala on some one elses head.








8) PRAY & RELAX: Na your weddddiinnngg day! Make sure you pray hard the night before and when the D-day comes God shall protect you and your husband from any jealous eyes. Try not to be a Bridezilla... try and enjoy the day... save up all that energy that you would use stressing out over things... besides, you need all the energy you can muster up for that night .. hehe.. lol...

Keep your eyes open for my own time to shine... My wedding planning business shall kick off soon. 





Some Inspirations i came along:

The Decorium in North London

Cavendish Banqueting Suite in North London

The Decorium

Now this is the SHIIZZZ!!!

Omosexy 

Dangonte Wifey

Long time Ohhh!! Longest EVER time.. forgive me abeg with juggling placements, work and essays I didn't have the time to think talk of blog but I made time after escaping from the boring ends of Hertfordshire to the rough ghetto ends of London... A lot more danger but not boring sha!

Firstlyy... Mek una hear this jam...

So my man took me on a date last night..
Well I wouldn't call it a date sha, e be more like a evening walk that turned to quiet an experience.

He told me that he wasn't going to spend kobo taking me out but i would come home feeling like Dangonte.. I was like
"Louis, u sefff!! Nawa for dis your sweet mouth oh"
but he gave me one of those Just Wait and See smiles.. so na so i see am oh.. in my mind he just to talk jazz but lets watch now.. Dangonte abi? loll

So we jump for bus without touchin in.. then commot for marble arch.
"Wer we de go from here?"
See me see trouble oh, this boy was dragging me to the entrance of Hilton Park Lane Hotel..
 
"Wetin we de do for here?"
He just told me to keep quiet and act like I de flex... We now approached the door.. see oyinbo man open door for us, address ME.. small me as MADAME! my mouth won fall for ground oh,

'wetin de do you.. de no kno ur face oh, as far as they are concern u be dangonte's wifey... start to believe it!'

So as we went towards the reception I had to refrain from looking like one pako by "Ooo-ing" and "Ahhh-ing" at all the little riches planted around the hotel.

"Can i help you sir & madame" Seee respect oh!"


I looked at Louis, abeg ooh.. no shame for this people.. you better have a plan


"Yes, My name is Dr Louis and me and my Fiancée shall be getting married in 2weeks from now and we wanted to check out some of the honeymoon suites in here so we can decide which one we shall come to before we travel to the Maldives for the rest of our honeymoon"

Ekpami Oh!!! Louis wat kind of wohala u wan put me in... honeymoon suite?!... Fiancee?! (although mek i no lie , being called his Fiancee did my body some how.. totori quick catch me lol)
I quickly ripped the primark bracelet of my wrist that was making my primark ring look even more cheap... so with just the ring on, suddenly it was easy for this maga to confuse a £2.99 ring for £29,900.000 ring... I de tell you ohhh!!


"So as i was saying, me and my future wife would like to view some of the best honeymoon suites you people have... money is not a issue for us.. "


SEE HIM SCATTER DER HEAD!!! Oyingbo de look at us confused.. we looked like we just came out of one council estate but with this ridiculous confidence and the right use of English de no dare question us...

As they took us up to the top of the Hilton.  I felt like i was committing a crime for just looking at the artefacts that was worth more than my house loll..
As the concierge showed us to the most expensive honeymoon suites i booooww!! See suite! After taking a look at the bedroom i began to wishhhhh that my honeymoon would start in this very room.. Ehhh!! If na soo!!! O boiiiii!! in fact my mouth no fit talk am! lol...

after the concierge rambled on bout how many nigerians come here and how they could order Nigerian food for Louis if his soul desired it, and how most "chief" Nigerians that come there dash him atleeeaasstt £50 tip for his help in my mind I was thinking
'if this maga now expects me to dash him £50, he de crazzee!!"

Once we enjoyed the feeling of being "rich" we now asked for the price for this suite for 2 nights.. by this time i don bite my tongue hard in order to refrain from the laughter of disbelief that i knew was going to come once i heard the price...


" Sir & Madame, you are lucky... it is actually cheaper that it usually is at this time of the year just a meagre £1760 for those two nights..."

EHHHWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THAT IS A CAR.. THAT IS TWO TRIPS TO NAIJA... THAT IS 3 OR EVEN 4 GUCCI BAGS.... THAT IS WHOLE YEAAARRRRR RENT!! 
£1760 TUFIAKWA!

But of course I kept all this out my expression sha..

"No kwams oga!" 


louuiisss ooohh, he wan fall my hand speaking pigeon for this people..

"i mean no problem we shall go around and check out The Dochester, then Intercontinental & get back to you.."


"Not a problem Dr Louis, hope you to see you and your fiancée when you are man and wife"

Next stop was the Dochester then Four Seasons...


By the time we got to Intercontinental  Louis was demanding that they should be making Chinese food for there guests and not just french and english food...  and the people were running around asking their staff if they knew where Dr Louis would be able to get some Chinese food... One of them offered to drive us to China town in the Hotel's Bentley... We no fit shout oh! So we told dem not to worry that we would walk their since we where were prestige visitors from Nigeria we would use that as an opportunity to sight see and probably go to Tiffany's to pick the rings for our "upcoming wedding" loool...


Basically the moral of the story or experience in this case was that you are what you think!

Behind them glass windows, people dat would usually act somehow towards us, since we were not rich respected us... it is sad sha that money bring respect but wat louis showed me was that it really about confidence!

Even if u go home and drink garri wen u de walk for road, hold ur head up and FEEL like your something, and u be something!

Me and my man no spend kobo but they treated me like i was Dagonte's wifey! I usually live my life depending on the situation of my pocket.. when money deh u go see me smillllee like nuffin do me.. i go dress like one madame but when money no der, u go see this make belief poverty written in my face... its not good!

 Smile, Dress Good, and Feel Rich! it starts in the mind oh! People will respect u based on your confidence! Truth be told if i we started to talk razz pidgeon whilst we wer der dey would still respect us cus we made dem feel like we were MEANT to be there! Soo Enjoy life joh! Even if money no deh, e go betttttteeeeerrr!!! Act rich Act posh... Behave like one AjePako and u shall soon grow into AjeBota! Even Dagonte the richest man in Nigeria started somewhere... But first it all starts in the mind! 





No wohala! Mek i bounce... My limo is waiting to take me and my bobo to Dubai, we are spending the weekend at the Burj Al Arab...  No-Long-Ting!!

Where i am going to be spending my weekend! Nuffin Do Me!